.: Beginners Guide To The Internet
Recent studies have shown that there are now well over one hundred websites available on the computernet. This puts it second only to ceefax as a useful source of information. Monkey Empire has rounded up the best of these sites, ones which enhance the life of real people like you, not the spotty bearded freaks that you picked on at school for being computerboys or nerdnspellgirls, no real people who go out and drink alcoholic sugar liquid in crowded town bars and watch soap operas and need to have their behaviour validated by weekly publications littering the news stands like so much used bog-roll. Well this is a virtual equivalent of those c-list simpering shitfests so let me validate your fucking behaviour, that's right I'll tell you where to go and what to fucking do because it will keep you the fuck away from me so that I can continue my work in peace. And when my work is done holy dong you'll know about it. I'll be the god damn mayor of London. Anyway here are the top 5:
Google Founded in 1923 the Google Corporation originally produced radiator hoses and casino chips before entering the lucrative internet search market in 1997. Google is like a thesaurus, simply type in words and it will give you a list of related words from inside your computer and beyond. People who are good at Google (known as Hardcore Googlists) have even discovered that some of these words open up whole new websites, and sometimes even pictures. Google is now so widespread that none other than Leonard Nimoy was once overheard to say "you can find anything on google you really can, may the force be with you".
eBay eBay shot to fame in 1999 when that chick that is really a witch in Buffy the Vampire Slayer managed to buy a special kettle that contained a genie that would save the world from the online auction site. Whilst you yourself may not be so lucky you will be able to get a bargain on the dvd of that very same episode, or maybe some new brasswork for your front door, or a ninja turtle action figure that you have never forgiven your parents for not buying for you when you were 12 years old. Adventurous types may even wish to try selling items that they no longer have use for. eBay is now so widespread that none other than Leonard Nimoy was once overheard to say "you can find anything on eBay you really can, may the force be with you".
The BBCThe Beeb, good old Auntie, The British Broadcasting Corporation, no longer the stuffy 2 channel black and white tv monolith that doesn't start until midday and finishes with the national anthem at teatime oh no the Beeb has been forced to get with the times and after collecting your money and throwing it in a big pile for approximately 60 years when the internet bubble came bouncing along the BBC was ready. It is now estimated that 87% of all internet sites are part of the BBC, this is in addition to their 167 digital TV channels, 2 radio stations and their Sandwich Toaster fast food chain. You give them money so that a bunch of London-blinkered new media tosspots can tell you what to do and you wouldn't have it any other way. The BBC is now so widespread that none other than Leonard Nimoy was once overheard to say "the BBC puts food on my table, it really does, may the force be with you".
MySpaceThe fact that you've made it this far down a Beginners Guide probably means you think that making a wonderful informative website such as this one is beyond your meagre skills. We don't hold that against you, you probably know more about footy or booking holidays in high street travel agents than us, takes all sorts doesn't it really. Well not any more, MySpace is the great leveller, the democratisation of the internet, now anyone can stick their photo online and surround it with flickering animated hearts floating across a purple background with yellow text talking about how you like to go out, watch telly and listen to music. Or maybe you are part of a subculture and you want your page to feature crunchy guitar music on a black background with pictures of you heavily made up to look like a vampire porn-star. Actually though MySpace is a game, you see other MySpace users can make virtual friends and then their picture appears under the "friends" list on your page. The game is to get your face on as many MySpace pages as possible, the one with the most displayed photos at the end of space and time wins and gets to become a baron of the afterlife. So don't get left behind, get on MySpace, get flirting and ego massaging and exchanging naked pictures with people who's age you can't be sure about or you might regret it for eternity and then some. MySpace is now so widespread that none other than Leonard Nimoy was once overheard to say "I've got 28 friends already I really have, may the force be with you".
Article keywords: Internet, Comedy, Google, BBC, MySpace, Wikipedia, eBay, Laugh, Rant, Swearing
Article Source: http://www.articles32.com
The Monkey Empire exists, although why that should be so is anybody's guess. Writings such as these spill out across it's pages at irregular intervals. You'd do well to avoid it, for sooner or later The Monkey Empire view of reality will start to make sense.
.: New Humor Articles
1). A Concise History Of Cartoons And Funny Pictures
For as long as man has been able to paint and draw, funny pictures and cartoons have been depicted on caves walls, canvas, paper, floors, ceilings and even skin!
2). Galloping Gooseberry - A Real Life Experience
Sagarika, a business writer with a delhi based pulication shares a funny life experience of hers.
3). Express And Impress With Buddy Icons
The icons used in many IM programs like AOL Instant, Yahoo Messenger and MSN Messenger are referred to as buddy icons.
4). Rate People And Get Yourself Rated On Websites
Submit some of your pictures so that the members of a particular website can rate you on the basis of the photographs you submit or upload on the website.
5). The Druggie, The Witch, You, Me and Harry Potter
Bodybuilders, bats, witches, princes and druggies! Seems like everybody is cruising The Potter Express these days.
6). Do You Want to Know what Goes On at the White House?
Recent political changes are bound to affect the jobs and lives of White House officials. Let us hear some of the gossip.
7). Is the Word Christmas Politically Correct?
The so called political correctness has created absurd guidelines affecting ordinary situations, events and personalities in our society. Time to unmask some of them.
.: Top Humor Articles
1). Halloween Howler
1. What rock star worked as a gravedigger before starting his musical career?
A. Roy Orbison
B. Billy Joel
C. Mick Jaggar
D. Rod Stewart
1. What famous rock star worked as a gravedigger before starting his musical career?
D. Rod Stewart
TBD: That wasn't The QuizQueen's guess either, but that's what the research says!
2. Which tradition was NOT a precursor to Halloween?
A.
2). Sun Will Only Burn For 5 Billion More Years; Humans Express Concern
We are often reminded that the sun will only shine in a way that can support life way out here on the earth for only about another five billion years. Sensing the eventuality of the cataclysm, we’re easily inclined to express our concern, along with our sympathetic distress for those far-off folks who will be standing on the earth when old Father Sol begins to turn down the heat.
3). 5 Surefire Ways To Get Over Your Ex
After mountains of letters, tons of emails, and numerous phone calls at 2 a.m. that consisted solely of sobs and sniffles, I have decided to address the issues of breaking up with and getting over ex-lovers. Technically, I am probably not the best person to write this article seeing as I haven't been in a serious relationship since 1999 and even that one involved a stripper, but then again maybe that makes me the perfect person to write this article.
4). Ken Lay Explains Behavior With Poem From Childhood: "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep."
Ken Lay, the famously charming Texan from dirt-poor beginnings, who rose to be the toast of Houston before Enron, the company he founded, became toast, finally took the stand this week and, as expected, performed in his winning manner.
He based his defense for the debacle that occurred under his chairmanship on a poem that he maintains has shaped his behavior since his mother first read it to him when he was just wee high to an oil pump.
5). Just Say No To Sex
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the second installment; previous ones are included on this site, in case you miss one.)
"They all seem impressively genuine in their intentions," Dr. Coburn replied. "As young people are prone to do, they actually want to do their part to help save the world – and now they see a practical way to proceed.
6). The Difference Between An Optimist And A Pessimist
Attitude determines everything. In this humorous exchange between an optimist and a pessimist, we can see how our attitude defines our health, wealth, and experience of luck.
7). Good News for Goofballs
I've found that there's a gap in the set of self-help and how-to books available. Sure, there are books to improve your outlook, and boost your self-esteem. If you want to learn to cook, or start a business, or patent your idea for self-buttering waffles, there are books to help you. And if you happen to be a dummy -- well, there are entire shelves at the local Barnes and Nobles devoted to you.