.: Recovery From Addictions, Part 4
Category:Home / Personal Development
In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:
1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.
Part 2 was about the first of these beliefs – learning how to handle pain. Part 3 addressed the second and third beliefs – “I am unworthy and unlovable” and “Others are my source of love.” This section, Part 4, explores the fourth belief, “I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.”
If I had to choose one false belief that causes the most pain for most people, it would be the belief that we can control how important people in our lives feel, think and behave.
In my work with individuals and couples dealing with addictive behavior, I encounter this belief and the many ramifications of it over and over. It seems very difficult for most people to accept the truth about their lack of control over others. The pain, frustration, loneliness and aloneness that result from not accepting your lack of control may be the underlying cause of your addictions.
Take a moment right now to reflect about what you think and do that is a direct result of this belief.
• Do you judge/shame yourself to try to get yourself to act “right” so that others will like you? If you do, you are operating from the false belief that you can control how others feel about you by how you act. You are also operating from the false belief that self-judgment will work to control your own behavior. Judging and shaming yourself can lead to addictive behavior to avoid the resulting pain.
• Do you act “loving” to others with the hope that others will act loving to you? If you do, you are operating from the false belief that your behavior controls others’ behavior. It is wonderful to be loving to others because you feel good when you are loving, but when you have an agenda attached of being loved back, then your “loving” is manipulative – you are giving to get. The hurt you feel when others don’t love you back can lead to addictive behavior.
• Do you get angry, judgmental and critical of others? If you do, then you are operating from the false belief that anger and judgment will have control over how others feel about you and treat you. You can certainly intimidate others into complying with your demands as long as they are willing to do so, but you cannot control how they feel about you. And they will comply only as long as they do. At some point they might leave, so ultimately you have no control over them. Your resulting stress may lead to addictive behavior.
• Do you give yourself up, going along with what another wants of you, such as making love when you don’t want to, or spending time in ways that you don’t want to? If you do, then you are operating from the false belief that giving yourself up will have control over how another feels about you and treats you. A loss of a sense of self can lead to addictive behavior.
• Do you withdraw from another or resist another’s requests? If you do, you are operating from the false belief that you can change/control another’s behavior toward you by punishing them through withholding love. The deadness of withdrawal can lead to addictive behavior.
In important relationships, most people do some or all of the above behaviors, resulting from the false belief that you can control how others feel, think and act.
If you really accepted the truth of your lack of control over others, what would you do differently? If you deeply, totally, completely accepted the truth of your lack of control over others feelings and behavior, you would be left with what you CAN control – yourself.
I have seen over and over that people finally take loving care of themselves only when they fully accept the truth of their lack of control over others. It is truly amazing the rapid progress the people I work with make when they finally accept this truth.
Shifting out of this one false belief and into the truth will go a long way toward healing your addictions.
Article keywords: addiction, recovery, controlling behavior, drug addiction, alcoholism, weight issue, alcohol abuse, addiction recovery
Article Source: http://www.articles32.com
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
.: New Personal Development Articles
1). Misconceptions About The Law Of Attraction
The law of attraction simply states that events happen because of the energies we give out. This happens regardless if we do it intentionally or not.
2). Eight Tips To Improving Your Personality
Every person desires to improve his or her own personality. It is quite evident in the methods and processes that is being employed in order to accomplish this particular goal.
3). Surefire Ways To Stop Procrastinating
Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow or the next day or the day after that?
4). Alternative Choice!
There is always an alternative choice in a mental situation.
5). Save Mental Energy!
It is possible to rest your mind by not thinking of something worrying.
6). Simple Tips On How You Can Gain Advantage Of The Law Of Attraction
What is the Law of Attraction? It is a basic principle of life; a powerful force that can be described in these situations:
- You enter a bar and a couple of strangers start looking at you
7). Using The Law Of Attraction To Have Your Dream Date
You are a human magnet and everyone wants to be your friend and be involved with you. Has this ever happened to you? Whether you know about it or not, you have been exhibiting the law of attraction in situations like this. Attraction is making other people like you and want to be with you, if not emulate you.
.: Top Personal Development Articles
1). The first 14 dominant laws of the subconscious mind
Copyright 2006 Emmanuel Segui
The subconscious mind is fascinating and intriguing. Yet, it is challenging to understand how it works so you can use its full power solve our problems and enhance every aspect of your life.
Here are the difficult principles of the subconscious mind made very easy so you can apply them in your life today and see results tomorrow.
2). Stuttering And Stammering Speech Impediment
Stammering or as it is sometimes known as stuttering is a form of speech impediment.
My name is Stephen Hill and I had a stammer for eighteen years. I went to various types of speech therapy which even though was of some use, never really offered me any hope of a "cure".
At the age of twenty two, after a lot of hard work I managed to overcome the stammer and I now help other people to achieve fluency.
3). How To Be Assertive Without Getting ANGRY
Sometimes our efforts to show our assertiveness
cross the line. We end up coming across as rude, aggressive
or downright belligerent.
4). Self-Motivation: How to Keep Yourself Motivated
Keeping one’s self going is a difficult thing to do. There are a million distractions that occur every day and that can mean that we do not stay on track with what we should be doing. Self-motivation is something that does not come easy to a lot of people and that means that there are some steps that need to be taken before you can become motivated to the fullest extent.
5). What To Do When Your Fears And Worries Overwhelm You
What do you do when your worries and anxieties overwhelm you? Here is a brief list of techniques that a person can use to help manage their worries and anxieties.
Sometimes what we fear may happen can be overly exaggerated. A lot of times, our worrying can make the problem even worse. Remember that all the worrying in the world will not change anything.
6). What Causes People To Develop A Speech Impediment?
I am one of many people who are unfortunate enough to develop a speech impediment in childhood. This article describes why these impediments may occur and how I went about achieving fluency. For the purpose of this article, I concentrate on the speech impediment known as stuttering.
There are many reasons why people may develop a stutter, it can be.
7). Success After Failure - Even Genghis Khan Lost Some Early Battles
Both the worst and the best of the great achievers had the belief in themselves and the resilience to overcome early failures. One of these was none other than Genghis Khan. There are powerful lessons we can learn from him.
In 1162 a child, called Temujin, was born in Mongolia clutching a blood clot - a sign that he was destined to be a great warrior.