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1). Chicago Criminalizes Foie Gras
The Chicago City Council has voted to criminalize foie gras. An alderman who is a member of the questionable culinary group maintains that the delicious delicacy represents a case of cruelty to animals, since the geese and ducks that produce it are force fed through tubes placed in their throats. He neglected to add, or is unaware of, the fact that mother geese and ducks feed their children buy sticking their beaks into their throats.
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2). About Time: Somali Woman Flogs Islamic Leader
An Islamic woman in Mogadishu finally did it: she inflicted eleven lashes on an Islamic leader for threatening to flog her for selling cannabis.
To justify the intended flogging of the woman before she turned on the male who had ordered it, the rulers pointed to a passage in the Koran that forbids the sale of all drugs except aspirin and antacids.
He.
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3). Cruise Takes A Bruise
Viacom gave Tom Cruise the bruise of his career – or, more exactly, its cantankerous chairman, Sumner Redstone, did, for behavior unbecoming an employee of the entertainment giant, saying Cruise’s shenanigans are “not acceptable to Paramount.”
Redstone’s punch to the career launched an entire boxing match of bruising comments.
Mr. Cruise’s attorney shot back in un-lawyerly fashion, calling his comments “disgusting” and saying “he’s lost it completely or he’s been given breathtakingly bad advice.
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4). Toyoto Introduces The Toy: The First Pedal Car For Adults
In an effort to rescue drivers from the high cost of gasoline, Toyota has announced the introduction of the Toy, the first car for grownups that is operated like a child’s pedal car.
Its main benefit is, of course, that it requires no gas. There is, however, a limit as to how far the vehicle can travel on one adult’s leg power.
The resourceful auto giant maintains that the encumbrance is not a drawback at all, because adults can change places at the wheel.
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5). Mountain Lion Attacks Son. Dad Attacks Mountain Lion.
Sometimes, even a mountain lion has to watch who it bites.
Consider the case of the mountain lion, or cougar, who jumped out of the woods at a park in British Columbia and took a 4 ½ year old boy named Paul Krismer, Jr., by the head.
The boy's father, Paul Krismer, happened, luckily enough, to be nearby and turned just in time to see the cat do what comes naturally.
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6). George Bush Finally Discovers Foreign Intrigue
Can you believe it? George Bush, the foursquare flatfoot of diplomatic dexterity, has finally discovered the nimble art of foreign intrigue.
While European nations were eager to establish a cease fire in Lebanon and seemed forthright about sending troops to enforce it, no sooner did the shooting dwindle to an occasional fatality than France, which was expected to send thousands of troops, offered a measly 200.
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7). OK, The House Is On Fire. Which One Do You Save First -- The Baby, The Old Testament, The New Testament, Or The Koran?
Do you save one of the books of holy writ or the helpless babe? Be fair. You can only save one. No time for two. The flames are at your fanny.
Yes, there's some chance you can go back for a second rescue attempt, but right now the hope is too risky to influence your decision.
Let’s say you pick one of the books. What will the people, who happen to.
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8). Iran Provides “Multifaceted Response” To UN: Launches Ten Missiles
Iran provided its long-promised “multi-faceted” response to the proposal by Western nations that the mullahdom stop enriching uranium. A day or so before it presented its written response, the obstreperous nation conducted war games during which ten highly photographed missiles were fired in a generally westerly direction.
Of course, the West had hoped.
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9). Senate Offers Outlet For Bipartisan Feuding: Will Install Boxing Ring
The Senate, recently more rancorous than usual in terms of bipartisan backbiting, decided to offer an outlet for the aggressive behavior by voting to install a boxing ring. In an effort to allow for the widespread lack of physical conditioning, all fights will be limited to one round.
The first fight scheduled is between the outspoken liberal Democrat from Massachusetts, Senator Edward Kennedy, and the feisty Republican who hails from the state of Tennessee, Bill Frist.
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10). If Embryos Could Talk
An embryo was relaxing when a female clinician approached the little glass dish in which it was defrosting after a long time in the freezer.
The embryo noticed her approach and exclaimed, “Whoopee, do I get implanted now? I can’t wait to grow up and become a real person!”
“No such luck,” the researcher told the embryo.
“What do you mean? I’ve been in cold storage for months, and now you’re telling me I don’t get to move up to becoming a baby?”
“I’m sorry,” the lady researcher said, “but we already implanted your sister.
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11). Saddam Hussein’s Defense Attorneys Admit Genocide But Insist It’s OK
In the trial of Saddam Hussein for genocide, he and his lawyers apparently decided that playing dumb and asking, “What 180,000 Kurds?” would unlikely prove to be a credible defense. So they cleverly decided to admit to the dastardly act of genocide through chemistry, while maintaining that it’s OK.
One witness, after describing the blindness the chemical weapons caused, said, “May God blind them all.
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12). The Myth of Free Magazine
I am sure you will be shocked when you know how much the so-called "discount magazine" and "cheap magazine" has ripped you off after reading this article and I can guarantee that you will never ever pay a magazine in full price again.
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