.: "Performance Anxiety"
Beverly had suffered from anxiety most of her life. As a child, she slept poorly and often had nightmares. She bit her nails and would chew on the skin around her nails until they were raw and bleeding.
Beverly had tried many forms of therapy, meditation and medication before consulting with me. She had a strong belief in God and prayed daily. Yet she was still anxious and could not understand the source of her anxiety.
Beverly grew up in a "normal" household with two parents who seemingly loved her. Yet as we explored her childhood, it became apparent that, while there was no overt abuse, the covert emotional abuse was constant. Her parents were highly critical of her and would get angry and withdraw when she didn’t perform to their expectations. Her mother was not affectionate and her father’s affection was tinged with sexual energy that frightened her.
Beverly felt tense much of the time in her home. Her parents fought a lot and her mother would often end up crying hysterically while her father withdrew behind his newspaper. What she did not see in her household was any role-modeling for taking personal responsibility for her own feelings. Her mother would blame her and her father whenever she was unhappy, while her father would blame her and her mother for his upsets. Beverly always tried to be a good girl and be there for her parents, but no one was ever there for her.
It’s easy to see why Beverly was so anxious as a child. But what was causing her anxiety as an adult?
The problem was that Beverly had never learned how to be a loving parent to herself, because her parents had not been loving to her or to themselves. She was kind and generous with others, but she tended to ignore her own feelings and needs. The little girl inside Beverly, her Inner Child, felt alone and abandoned inside most of the time. In addition, she was highly critical of herself, just as her parents had been with her. She was constantly telling herself that she couldn’t do anything right.
Beverly was treating herself just as her parents had treated her and themselves. Little Beverly did not have a powerful loving inner adult to attend to her feelings or speak up for her with others. Instead, she was neglectful or critical of herself. Due to abandoning herself and not giving herself love and approval, she was constantly seeking approval from others. As a result, Beverly felt anxious in many situations with others - with friends, at work, as well as with her husband and children. She was constantly trying to "perform" right so people would approve of her or not be mad at her. She was constantly suffering from "performance anxiety."
Beverly saw that much of her anxiety centered around wanting to control how others saw her and treated her. She realized that she judged herself in the hopes of getting herself to perform right. She noticed that she was constantly seeking others’ approval because of being so critical of herself.
Learning to be compassionate with herself rather than judgmental was a challenge that took time and dedication. She was so used to judging herself that she would do it without realizing it. Through her inner work, Beverly became aware of the fact that most of the critical things she told herself about herself were just not true - they were beliefs she had absorbed from her parents but were not the reality of who she was. As she paid attention to her self-judgments, she noticed that her anxiety was directly related to her judgments, false beliefs, and desire to control getting approval from others.
As Beverly slowly learned to be a loving inner parent rather than a critical one, her anxiety gradually diminished. Any time it she felt anxious, she could now trace it back to something she had told herself that not only was not true, but was self-critical. She discovered that she had been using her spiritual connection as a way of avoiding responsibility for herself, rather than as guidance in what was loving to herself. As she opened to learning about what was loving to herself, she gained more access to and connection with her spiritual source of guidance. The more Beverly took loving care of herself, the more inner peace she attained.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Digg del.icio.us Blink Stumble Spurl Reddit Netscape Furl
Article Source: http://www.articles32.com
.: New Family Articles
1). Making A Spanish Will
None of us likes to think about making a will, it reminds us that one day the inevitable will happen and we will no longer be here
2). What Is A Marriage?
A marriage is a socially, religiously, or legally recognized union, most frequently of one man and one woman. This is an agreement that two people make to spend the rest of their lives together.
3). Discover The Relationship That Lies Hidden In Your Marriage
As you remain committed to your spouse, even when the journey takes unexpected turns, you will make a grand discovery.
4). Creating A Happy Marriage
Finding a common way of communicating without losing control of the conversation is probably the hardest part.
5). A Christian Marriage
Marriage is something sacred and although people seem to forget that marriage has a great deal to do with God, you should be no different. Having a strong religion and connection with God will influence you in wanting to make your partner as happy as possible.
6). Marriage With An Extended Family
Having a marriage with children from a previous marriage can be an added stress to the marriage. Having a marriage with an extended family can also include nieces and nephews, or any child that is not biologically both of yours.
7). Are You Looking For Affordable Maternity Clothes
Congratulations on your upcoming bundle of joy! But before the happy event are you struggling with what to wear? Well all you need to do is find affordable maternity clothes.
.: Top Family Articles
1). Where did Halloween come from?
About 2000 years ago in the area which today is Northern France,
England, Scotland and Ireland, lived the Celts. Their festival of Samhain
is where the traditions of Halloween originated.
2). How Long Will Your Water Heater Last? Your Anode Rods Will Tell Us.
Copyright 2006 John Haynes
Description
An anode rod is a rod made of "sacrificial" metal. Like batteries, the anode produces an electrochemical reaction in the tank. The anode slowly wears away instead of the lining of the tank. As long as the anode is present and functional, almost all corrosion or rusting on the tank's lining is prevented.
Access
To all consumers who are shopping for a new water heater, an important aspect of the new appliance is the accessibility to its anode rod.
3). The myth behind the pumpkin carving tradition.
This time of the year if you travel across the United States you will see
pumpkins everywhere. They have become part of our Halloween tradition.
Pumpkins can be found from peoples doorsteps to their dinner tables, as decorations or food.
4). Signs a Guy is with you for your Body
Your mother and father have probably been warning you about the "bad guy" as far back as you can remember. Well, chances are likely that you'll encounter more than a few while in high school. Every school has at least a few male pigs whose only goal in li
5). How To Make A Paper Bag Scrapbook
Paper bag scrapbooks are really popular now. Their small size makes them great for gift giving, for display on a coffee table, or even just as a “brag book”. They are made by using paper bags (you know the brown lunch kind) and are of a smaller size than the larger scrapbook albums, usually 5 x 5 inches. Since the paper bags are not acid free, it is important to only use copies of your photos.
6). Preparing for Halloween at the last minute?
As you all know this creepy holiday is now only 14 days away
and it is approaching fast. Before you know it Halloween willhave come and gone.
7). A Bedwetting Teen Back In Diapers – Could Be A Serious Medical Problem
A bedwetting teen back in diapers is a stressful situation both for the teen and the parents. Even if you are concerned, you should never let your fears transfer to the child. However, you should try to be as sensitive as possible because any teen that has to wear diapers for a bedwetting problem does not feel very good about the situation. He/She knows there is a problem and the stress of worrying about the possibility of bedwetting could actually make the situation worse.