.: Political Satire Top Related Articles
1). Just Say No To Sex
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the second installment; previous ones are included on this site, in case you miss one.)
"They all seem impressively genuine in their intentions," Dr. Coburn replied. "As young people are prone to do, they actually want to do their part to help save the world – and now they see a practical way to proceed.
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2). 100 Pounds Of Marijuana Found At Home Depot: Sold As Grass Seed
An unsuspecting contractor drove to his nearby Home Depot to buy a vanity. When he opened it, besides the usual shelves, he discovered two 50-lb bricks of marijuana.
Police were summoned and invited to the garden shop, where they were told the marijuana was being sold as a new kind of grass seed that offered entertaining prospects for homeowners and landscapers.
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3). Bill Clinton In Secret Talks With Hillary; Agrees To Run For Vice President
Former President Bill Clinton has been holding secret talks with his wife and wannabe President Hillary and has, the rumor mill informs us, agreed to be her Vice Presidential candidate.
In an exclusive interview, he confided, “Even though I want to help Hillary in every way I can, it wasn't an easy decision. After all, if you remember, I was the President.
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4). Come Out With Your Checkbook Open
Joey, daring the spotlights that were scanning the warehouse in which he was holed up, took a quick look out the window at the crowd below, and shouted, “Never, you dirty, rotten bill collectors!” Then he ducked back to the haven beneath the sill.
He recently got more into debt than usual – in fact, he found himself surrounded by it – and he was having a restless dream about the multitude of bill collectors who were haunting his mind.
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5). PBS Fires Cinderella; Calls Display Of Bare Foot Scandalous
As if it wasn’t enough that PBS, the bastion of culture at the broadcast level, fired the host of the toddlertainment, ‘The Good Night Show.’ Reason given: The sweet thing, by the name of Melanie Martinez, who is beloved by moms and kids alike, appeared in her ancient history as an actress in two videos spoofing public service announcements that advocate teenage sexual abstinence.
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6). Hockey Summer Season; Will Be Played On Roller Skates
Professional hockey associations, long mournful of the unfortunately seasonal nature of their game, have decided to give the boys of summer a run for their money.
To effect the balmy transformation, the teams will transform their footwear from ice skates to roller skates.
The players are not entirely comfortable with the proposal.
One star expressed concern, saying, “I’m really good on ice skates, but I never even put on a pair of roller skates.
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7). Iran Accepts European Nuke Deal: Includes Instructions On How To Make An A-Bomb
European nations negotiating with Iran over its nuclear program initially offered the upstart threat a free light-water nuclear reactor. The President of Iran, however, responded by becoming petulant, calling the offer a "colonial" insult and demanding to know if we think he’s “a child.”
Determined to reach an agreement in a way that would avoid the.
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8). The Da Vinci Code; This Year's Biblical Box-Office Bonanza
The Da Vinci Code is now off and running as this year’s megabuck Biblical controversy. Question is, why do we seem to be afflicted with such a nearly annual entity?
Slight thought reveals the obvious. Given the big numbers that a major studio has to turn to make a return on a movie, it’s hardly a wonder that they keep turning to what they, in their needy bottom lines, consider the biggest subjects available.
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9). John Updike Pens Novel, Called “Terrorist.” Critics Laud Originality
Adding another semiprecious stone to his distinguished crown as a royal purveyor of uneasy fictions, John Updike is touting the publication of his new novel, titled “Terrorist.”
Since you may be uncertain about the subject of the book, it’s about a young terrorist in, of all places, America.
In case you’re intrigued about whether Mr. Updike finds something sympathetic in his portrait of the terrorist, he certainly does.
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10). Democrats Search For Platform; Find It In FDR's Basement
The Democratic Party, sensing electoral weakness in the war-ravaged Republican Party, began an intensive search for a platform that might lead to a rejuvenation of their own habitually unfocused and widely unattractive party.
Apparently, they have finally grown alert to the inadequate support provided by the random planking that has been delivered to them by various political strategists – usually, they now see, not deeply resonating and indubitably ethical ideas, but hardly more than sound bytes based on evanescent hot topics.
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11). Tom Cruise Renounces Scientology; Becomes Muslim Fundamentalist
Tom Cruise, the biggest male box-office attraction in American cinema, that is, until he recently displayed a variety of astonishingly off-putting antics, has now taken another dramatic step in his imaginative quest to end his career, which was largely based on his once seemingly cute and innocent appeal.
Much to the dismay of his millions of fans, the film icon has renounced scientology and become a Moslem Fundamentalist.
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12). Pat Robertson Confesses! God Upset With Him; Tells Him He Lost His Mind
In the wake of having reported that God told him Tsunami-like storms were likely to hit the U. S. coasts this year, Pat Robertson appeared on his TV program visibly shaken, and announced, “God has told me something else, and it’s something I didn’t want to hear. He said, ‘Pat, you lost your mind.’
“Naturally, I was surprised and asked why he would ever think such a thing of me.
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13). Bush And Blair Admit Mistakes In Iraq; Vow To Continue
Meeting in Washington, Prime Minister Tony Blair and President Bush took to the podium to admit that everything in Iraq has not unfolded as they had hoped but the President insisted, “We've learned from our mistakes, and, if the past is any indication, we will continue to make them."
Prime Minister Blair added, “And you can be absolutely certain that we will continue to learn from them.
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14). Humanist Terrorists Nabbed In Miami; Planned To Plant Explosive Books
A group that calls itself humanist terrorists was apprehended by the FBI in a preemptive strike in Miami. The terrorist cell, which claims affiliation with the Middle Atlantic terror group all-Libraries, was infiltrated by an FBI operative.
The leader of the group confided to the informant that the members planned to plant explosive books in various locations throughout the United States, including the Sears Tower, a number of FBI buildings, and radical Muslim mosques.
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15). A Life Of Lorenzo Da Ponte:Talent Flies; Practical Reason Walks
Among the world’s favorite operas, we find three of them with a libretto penned by Lorenzo Da Ponte and music by none other than the astonishingly delightful Viennese ear-confectioner Mozart. The list is a delight in itself: The Marriage of Figaro, Don Giovann, and Così Fan Tutte.
We learn in the new book, The Librettist of Venice, by Rodney Bolt,.
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